happy holidays

This Christmas season has been a weird one. As I sit here on Christmas Day, I feel far from my family. Zambia is far from America. That is a fact. I don't think anyone will argue with me on that one. 

This week I have reflected a lot. I have honestly had some really horrible days this week which made me rethink life in Zambia. Why am I here? Is it worth it? What am I doing? All those wonderful questions. This experience is amazing but like everyone says, "You have to have the downs to know the ups." 

Here I am in the midst of one of my downs. My family is in America. My PCV friends are in far other places of the country or Malawi. 

I would donate my leg to have been woken up by my little sisters at 3:30 AM this morning to see what Santa brought but I am here instead. Instead Santa gave me the opportunity of a lifetime to serve the people of Zambia. 

Sometimes it feels like it sucks. My brain hurts from Bemba. My legs hurt from walking or riding my bike for 19384 kilometers. My soul aches for comfort of family. I am tired of being the mzungu harassed by drunk men. 

But it all comes full circle. 

I can communicate with the people in my village better now. I can walk and ride farther. I have found solace in the family I have been given and created in the village. I will always be the mzungu but if I wear and citengue and speak Bemba... all the sudden I am less of a mzungu and more of a local. 

As much as I really wanted to be home for Christmas and surrounded by people I love, I am so beyond grateful to be in Zambia. The more it rains here, the more it looks like paradise. As I continue this journey I hope to remember these words from President Holland. 

“Therefore, let not your hearts faint. … Mine angels shall go up before you, and also my presence, and in time ye shall possess the goodly land.” ¹What goodly land? Well, your goodly land. Your promised land. Your new Jerusalem. Your own little acre flowing with milk and honey. Your future. Your dreams. Your destiny. I believe that in our own individual ways, God takes us to the grove or the mountain or the temple and there shows us the wonder of what His plan is for us. We may not see it as fully as Moses or Nephi or the brother of Jared did, but we see as much as we need to see in order to know the Lord’s will for us and to know that He loves us beyond mortal comprehension. I also believe that the adversary and his pinched, calculating little minions try to oppose such experiences and then try to darken them after they happen.” – Elder Jeffrey R. Holland 

Happy Holidays. Come visit. Come one. Come all. 

My door is wide open.